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“Tat Tvam Asi” in Bali: Healing
through divorce--two yoginis’ journey
By Kirstie Bender Segarra
Sunset in Ubud
How do we heal through a divorce? How do we create
support for ourselves in order to heal gracefully with
joy? Learning to love ourselves and others is a powerful
practice to heal when we feel alone.
“Tat Tvam Asi” or “thou art that” is likened to the
union of two people. We are each other and through
compassion for ourselves and others we find a place
within to heal the sense of loneliness and separation.
“Tat Tvam Asi” was first explained to me by an art
professor in 1997 while I was staying in Ubud, Bali.
Pointing to me he said that Tat Tvam Asi means “I am
you, and you are me.” In other words, “Thou art that.”
In the last fifteen years, I have studied with several
Balinese healers including I Ayu Gusti Puspawati (Puspa),
who plays the wife of the healer, Ketut, in the
Hollywood hit “Eat, Pray, Love.”
In my travels, I have discovered a commonality among the
Balinese that they truly know the meaning of “Tat Tvam
Asi” through living yoga on and off the mat. Even though
we practice yoga on mat, sometimes we have to step off
and integrate our practice with those we love.
Jero Wayan and Puspa
On my fourth and most recent journey to Bali I
discovered that my friend Puspa was going through a
divorce. Not only was she raising her two adopted
Balinese children, Amrita and Ganesh, on her own, she
was putting yogic philosophy into practice each day. She
was equally concerned for her own healing, as well as
that of her ex-husband.
I similarly went through a divorce in 2005 and have been
raising my ten-year-old daughter alone for the last five
years. The previous year I had visited several healers
in Bali to complete my healing from divorce, and Puspa
went along for the ride.
On my most recent journey, I was there for Puspa. She
was struggling with grief from her recent divorce.
Divorce is difficult in Bali, especially for the higher
caste, who hold greater responsibility to their
community. Puspa was a wife of a Hindu Priest and felt a
heavy sense of obligation to her people. Together, we
ventured outside of Ubud to visit a traditional Balinese
healer or “Balian,” Jero Wayan.
Jero smiled energetically and greeted us with his
spirited eyes. We visited Jero to gain a fresh insight
and perspective on Puspa’s situation. As we waited for
our turn, others from nearby villages started arriving
to meet with him.
When it is our turn, Puspa told her story for all to
hear. Jero listened empathetically and stopped Puspa
when he wanted a deeper understanding and clarification
of her situation. It was clear that he was not happy
with Puspa’s husband, a priest that didn’t follow
through with his obligations.
Everyone in the village was laughing, crying, and
sharing in the emotions of Puspa’s story. At the end of
two hours, Puspa’s story becomes our story, and this is
how the Balinese began to heal—as a village sharing
stories, caring for each other, and healing together.
They know how to live “Tat Tvam Asi.”
When Jero finished, he gave Puspa a ring he had blessed
for protection, anointed oil, incense, jamu herbal
remedies, and a massage. Puspa pointed to me and said,
“My sister needs something, too.” Jero slipped a new
ring with a fake red ruby onto my finger that
serendipitously fit!
Puspa and I have found healing from our challenges and
grief by supporting one other and sharing our stories
with the greater village. I truly feel that she is me.
In other words, “Tat Twam Asi”. We both recognize that
there are other women in the world like us who have gone
through, or are going through, similar experiences.
Together we can embrace the joy that comes from healing,
because inevitably, we are all each other’s mirror.
Puspa and my daughter, Cesca
Puspa and Kirstie
Kirstie Bender Segarra |
About Kirstie
Puspa and Kirstie practice yoga daily. Each
feels that it is an integral part of their
healing process. Yoga gives them the time to
practice self love and compassion, while
allowing space for grieving on their mats. At
the same time, they are practicing self
empowerment as women.
Puspa recently played the wife of the healer in
the Hollywood blockbuster Eat, Pray, Love,
starring Julia Roberts.
Kirstie selfishly seeks out new healers every
time she visits Bali. She has been studying and
practicing Traditional Balinese Massage, yoga,
and massage for the last fifteen years. She is a
full time faculty member at the University of
New Mexico-Taos, where she serves as Chair of
the Integrative Health, Medical Massage and
Yoga. |
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